Along came a spider

Have you ever teetered on the edge of the unknown? Wondering whether to cross the divide or not… wondering what was going to happen next. When the black Widow spider of fear starts crawling under your skin… weaving her web from your fingertips right down to your toes.. causing small boils of fear to appear… them rupturing as you watch in some morbid kind of fascination.. The widow's reach spreads throughout, you can almost feel her tentacles reach within you, gripping your heart… and all the while you know it is you who let her in.. and you are the only one who can get her out.. but you watch... as she plays you like her favorite toy. And you continue to teeter on.. afraid to let go.. afraid to dive… afraid for what is and what can be.. see-sawing between the Now and Then.

Life's-naps



Let the sleeping dogs lie!












but what about sleeping watchmen???

GooooooooD MooorrrrnnninnG!!! Something i hadn't said to myself in a long time... the last few months had been quite dull at work.. and the mind had consequently slowed down and become lethargic... 2 weeks ago i decided to kick butt- my own lazy one to begin with *grin*... well charity begins at home doesn't it... realised that each day was bringing a new layer of fat around the middle and something needed to be done asap lest come the time for 3rd degree torture- THE GYM!!! Have been going for morning walks ever since...

the first day was a bit lazy and reluctant... but when i hit the track i realised what a huge favor I'd done myself.. 5 minutes after i began my walk, i saw one of the most beautiful scenes I've seen in a long time... a hundred pigeons taking off in flight at the same time... every morning there is a sack of grains that comes from the provision store nearby and is opened out right in the middle of the track for the pigeons to feed on.. its just made me feel totally alive and awake..

today i look forward each day to hearing the flap and flutter of the wings... smelling the fresh air laden with a bit of dust from the pigeon flight... noticing the blooms on the trees in the morning... watching the few people who come to the track everyday.... i wouldn't trade any of it in for the closed confines of a gym... well at least not till the rains at least... then mebbe..... :)

P.S. Have been searching for an image on the net that would do justice to what i see each morning.. but haven't found one that connects. Will prolly click one myself one of these days and put it up... till then use ur imagination.. that's even more beautiful...

(Copy: If you really want to touch some one, send them a letter. - Ad for Australian Post)

The irony of modernity

a friend sent me this mail a few weeks ago.. i hadn't opened it till today... and it got me thinking... while i am a completely pro-technology person, i still dislike the way i have allowed it to take over my life and rob it of small moments of romance ...

The whole situation couldn't have been more ironical.. such a beautiful mail about the romance of writing comes to my e-mail inbox as a mere forward, an entity that i have long since started ignoring until i find the time in my 'busy' schedule to read it, at times only when i am looking for a little entertainment. the only mails that get read instantly are client mails and sometimes even those are ignored till they become critical.

Communication has become so need based, to-the-point and dispassionate today. Even if we write a long email to someone who really matters, rarely do our thoughts flow they would on paper. what gets typed is often what is top of mind, and most critical. frequency of mailing has compromised the expression of feelings. brevity is the key. the KISS (keep it simple, stupid) principle in operation everywhere.

I just finished cleaning out my cupboard a few weeks ago... and it was great to go through all the old letters and cards that i had preserved over the years (cleared out 12 years of memories that day)... just to read the small margin notes and comments... random stickers stuck on the letters to cheer up the reader (in letters sent to me by my closest pals when i was away at the B-school hostel)... just seeing each letter.. smelling the musty smell of old paper.. some on flowery scented writing pads.. it brought back memories of the events of that particular mail instantly...

'reading between the lines' has become an empty phrase. i miss reading letters with the ink varying as the person changed the pressure on writing- the deeply dug impassioned words of ownership and demand, tear-stained emotional sentences, long loopy free flowing strokes of flowery poetry. merely a look at the paper of the letter conveyed worlds more than the words in it ever did. the Delete & Backspace button have together killed the intrigue and romance of scratched out words.. trying to figure what the person had really said but then decided not to... holding up the letter against the light, straining to catch the faint words that have all but disappeared from existence...

well.. if the same mail had been sent as a letter, would i have waited for weeks to open it?? had the same image been a cutting enclosed with the letter, would i have merely downloaded it on to a folder on my comp? but then again... if it were a letter... this post wouldn't have been here.. nor the image...

Fresh ink left its stamp on much more than just paper.....

"There are no ordinary moments"

I cant think of a better line to re-start my blog life. I read this line yesterday in a wonderful book... and realised it is so true about my life... in fact most of our lives today... These days when anyone asks me 'Hows life?'- my patent reply is 'Its OK.. same shit different day'.... but nothing could be farther than the truth... Each day brings a new set of experiences... new realisations.. some new awareness.. which i completely ignore and overshadow waiting for that One Big EXCITING thing to happen... i realised that somewhere i am discounting the rest my days in search of a big moment that i may never find.. and even if i do, it will last me for only that- a moment... Exciting is as exciting does... so it is up to me to be aware and realise each moment of my life.. and for me to make it unique....

Another thing that i realised is how the names of my blogs have defined what got written on them... 2 years ago i used to blog quite regularly.. the name of the blog was 'Once upon a time'... and the writings were mostly about past memories... somewhere along the way after the initial enthusiasm the need for writing waned and so did the posts... then i tried reviving it last year by re-doing the look and re-christening it- 'Etre.. To Be'... and then it was just that-- Being... nothing got posted on it... except for a copy-paste post of random forwards once in a ways... there was no charachter, no definition... and then it died.. tired of its own insipid exsitence. Suddenly one day in Jan when i decided to take charge of life once again, and put down some fresh thoughts... i discovered the old blog was gone... disappeared into cyberspace without so much as a bye! for a while i felt sad, but then i realised it was all for the best since all the writings on that blog were memories. and memories need to be let free... so that there can be space to move on ahead... right??? Technology had already erased me of the baggage of my past.

On this new blog, i will write what i feel... at the moment.. on that day... no more random reminiscing unless it has an impact on the present...

VIVANT- to be alive... to feel.. to breathe.. to be aware... that's the reason to look forward to the new day!!!!